The No-Map Session

Sickness came into my health, and actually i lost of directions too......not all directions actually, but if you're saying specific directions i don't have it. I lost of maps, the map to wealthy in numbers, the map wealthy in mind, and the wealthy in relationships. 

After i came back from Singapore, i found that what i conceived in mind have already created in reality. I'm so stubborn not to create the same thing, and i need more innovation. I knew i'm going to Solo like a hobo in Vietnam, Cambodia, Laos, Thailand first, to seek freedom in three areas and find the real passion inside me. But now i'm stagnant, stop at a point which i lack of Money, even i'm now working in a coffee shop which monthly payment less than RM1,300, and deduct my working lunch which is no coverage at all, so basically i just have less than 1k a month which haven't deduct my daily expenses and transportation fees. The culture of my working place is a "just-work" place, no true friendship to talk about, and it is Boring and without challenge. I love challenge, but seems like I had been restricted in that area, and it is no good at all. I am trying to pulling myself out and find a new cashflow for myself, so i can survive. But I want more than surviving, I want to live!

Few years ago, i decided my goals is to open a great reputation travel agency and i flew to Taiwan to have my 4 years degree, but i fed up with myself, with my goal, the loss of passion in Tourism. So I stick my head into coffee industry since i working in a restaurant. I tried to keep focused in the coffee but too much distractions of opportunities flies through my shoulders. And now... i lost most of the opportunities and i am so fed up. I used to neglect every meeting and hang-out of my friends and family, and now i really regret about this. Now i know for sure, Life should be balance in every aspect of life, there is no great in career but sucks in relationships to have a happy life. 

I found myself these 10 years had been chasing so much rabbit, which even couldn't catch any one of them. In my early 10's I used to have great skills in piano grade 5 but i stopped in my 18. I used to play great magic which inspired and impressive but now i am rusty and bored with it. I used to lead trips and travels and plan it with passion and creative activities, but now the fear of failure and consequences had arise. I used to took great feelings photographs and making funny video clips but now i have forgotten most of the skills. I used to jump my same heights in sports competitions and now only my half i could achieve. I used to be so brave to do anything conceived in my mind and now i'm just an asshole sitting in a corner blogging. 

I won't wish anything because i knew nothing going to come true through wishing. That's why i brought a pen and note to write it down everything i conceive in mind later. Who I'm going to be? What I'm going to achieve ? Be sure to write it down and make a move, because i have wasted enough time.